2/52: Facing reality over fantasy.

Sometimes I have this deep, internal struggle. A struggle between who I am and the reality I live in, and the wife I always dreamed I would be. I would like to think that I’m a good wife. I try my hardest to keep up on everything amidst the demands of life, I support and love my husband and take care of him. That is what a wife should do, right? Well somewhere in my little brain, I have this unrealistic mentality of what I should be like as a wife. I think it stems back to when I was a child.

My mother was amazing in my eyes (and in my reality also!). To me, she was like Martha Stewart meets Super Woman. She kept the house spotless, made homemade dinners from start to finish and always had time for me. She never made me or my siblings feel like we were inconveniencing her or bothering her and at the end of the day she still had energy. Growing up, this is what my vision of the perfect wife and mother was – a warm, fuzzy combination of Martha Stewart & Super Woman. But I keep falling a little short of that expectation I have set for myself.

What I have neglected to realize is that she was a stay at home mom, with much more time then I have. However, I still yearn to find that happy balance of perfection, but I certainly do not meet the high expectations I have set for myself. The laundry is only sometimes caught up, the house isn’t always freshly vacuumed, and by the time I get home from work, the last thing I want to do is cook a ‘from scratch’ meal. What I do want to do is spend as much time as possible with my loving husband and sweet puppy. I want to relax and dream that I could wave my magic wand that would do the dishes, fold the laundry and pick up the house. Oh boy, wouldn’t that be wonderful?

So maybe the reality of it is, you have to put aside your childhood fantasies and make your own reality. I need to make my own set of expectations for myself as a wife and learn to live by those versus constantly trying to obtain a perfection that isn’t realistic. I think sometimes, I need to step back and realize that I am a wife who works 40 hours a week and I need to create my own ‘perfect balance’. Because I am married to the most loving and understand man I have ever met. He is my best friend and my rock and to be honest, he doesn’t care if the laundry is only partially caught up and if the floor isn’t freshly vacuumed. I am so thankful for this beautiful life we are building – together!

I’m curious, what are you thankful for? What struggles do you face on a daily basis? And, do you have any childhood fantasies that you strive to meet?

xoxo, ss

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